1 00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:36,911 Oh, good morning. 2 00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:38,974 Today on the show, we'll meet the 3 00:00:38,998 --> 00:00:41,707 winners of our UK's Ugliest Home contest. 4 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:45,044 Oh, yeah, also making a new recipe with popular online chef, Momo, 5 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:48,047 who also happens to be a chimpanzee. 6 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,495 Now, I wonder if he's gonna 7 00:00:49,519 --> 00:00:50,925 make something with bananas in it. 8 00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:53,803 - Banana bread maybe. - Or maybe banana pancake. 9 00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:55,055 Oh, man. 10 00:01:02,278 --> 00:01:05,356 - Morning, Mae. - Morning, Ted. 11 00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:07,316 Hey, thanks again for the accommodations upstairs. 12 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:08,651 They're perfect and convenient. 13 00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:12,488 Stay as long as you like 'cause the only other renters I get 14 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:15,906 either have little yapping dogs or cocaine habits. 15 00:01:15,931 --> 00:01:18,327 Both are a pain in the arse at 4:00 in the morning. 16 00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:22,039 And... after they check out, there's shit everywhere. 17 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,708 Yeah. What do we got here? 18 00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:25,168 Something to set you up for the day. 19 00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:26,513 Oh, that's mighty kind of you, but 20 00:01:26,537 --> 00:01:28,087 I'm not really a morning beer person. 21 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,381 It's Guinness. That's a full meal. 22 00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:31,717 Hmm. Still. 23 00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:34,261 But I'll see you later, all right? 24 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:39,141 Bit early for my second of the day, but... fuck it. 25 00:01:49,455 --> 00:01:50,915 I guess nothing stays the same. 26 00:01:51,737 --> 00:01:53,654 Okay. A little bit to the right. 27 00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:55,823 - Welcome back, Coach. - Thank you, sir. 28 00:01:55,855 --> 00:01:58,858 Too bad you're coaching a bunch of girls, you wanker. 29 00:02:01,992 --> 00:02:03,785 I guess some things do stay the same. 30 00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:11,523 Come in. 31 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,551 - Morning, Leslie. - Hello, Rebecca. 32 00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:16,969 Hmm. 33 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,764 - Hmm. Ooh. - For you. 34 00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:22,183 Tell me you didn't write a novel in your downtime. 35 00:02:22,184 --> 00:02:24,060 What downtime, Rebecca? 36 00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:26,687 No, with the Twickenham FC women's team going under, 37 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:29,315 I felt compelled to commission a more extensive analysis 38 00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,317 of our women's team viability. 39 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:32,995 "Knox and Sullivan's strategic assessment 40 00:02:33,019 --> 00:02:34,570 of the short and long-term viability 41 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,697 of professional women's football in London, 42 00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:40,326 TW2 7BU prepared for Leslie R... " 43 00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:43,205 Hmm. "... Higgins on behalf of AFC Richmond." 44 00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:45,540 Crikey, that's a bit of a mouthful, isn't it? 45 00:02:45,541 --> 00:02:47,375 Oh, I agree. So for short, 46 00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:53,507 I think we should call it the KSSASLVPWFLTPLRHBAR report. 47 00:02:54,548 --> 00:02:56,217 I think we just call it The Higgins Report, shall we? 48 00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:57,927 Oh, I'm flattered. 49 00:02:57,928 --> 00:03:00,221 Hmm. So, uh, what's the gist of it then? 50 00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:01,320 I haven't read it yet. 51 00:03:01,345 --> 00:03:03,431 I spent the entire evening memorizing the acronym, 52 00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:07,562 but I will read it all and give you a summary the moment I'm done. 53 00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:08,856 Perfect. Thank you. 54 00:03:09,565 --> 00:03:11,691 Oh, and who's that for? 55 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:12,817 - Keeley. - Oh. 56 00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,370 Let's just see what it's all about first, 57 00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:15,945 shall we, before bothering Keeley with it? 58 00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:17,321 Oh, of course. 59 00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:20,825 Oh, and Coach Chilton is outside. 60 00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,743 She requested to have a word with you. 61 00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:24,463 Oh, good Lord, that little ray of sunshine. 62 00:03:24,488 --> 00:03:26,198 - Right. Let her in. - Ah. 63 00:03:28,426 --> 00:03:29,427 Ooh. 64 00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:31,503 Oh! 65 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,051 Good morning, Coach Chilton. 66 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:39,646 Based on what? 67 00:03:43,616 --> 00:03:44,950 May I sit? 68 00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:45,976 Hmm. 69 00:03:49,228 --> 00:03:50,708 Sorry, may I... may I sit over there? 70 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:52,816 Thank you. 71 00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:58,330 Miss Welton, I know we haven't had much 72 00:03:58,354 --> 00:04:00,573 interaction over the last few months, 73 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,034 but I wanted to thank you for giving me the opportunity 74 00:04:03,035 --> 00:04:04,767 to be part of Richmond's first women's team. 75 00:04:04,792 --> 00:04:07,288 Oh, you've been absolutely fantastic. Hasn't she, Leslie? 76 00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:09,707 Oh, yes. And all under budget, may I add. 77 00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:10,875 Unlike the men's team. 78 00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:14,295 Coach Kent's alternative milk budget alone is frankly unreasonable. 79 00:04:19,432 --> 00:04:20,807 So what can I help you with? 80 00:04:21,182 --> 00:04:22,600 I'm resigning. 81 00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:23,888 Oh. 82 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:26,807 When I came here to help build this team from the ground up, 83 00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:28,894 I was hoping it would lead to something bigger. 84 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:33,022 And even though I initially agreed to stay on as assistant manager 85 00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:35,233 after being... passed over, 86 00:04:35,234 --> 00:04:36,950 I've now come to realize that I have 87 00:04:36,974 --> 00:04:38,987 higher aspirations for myself than that. 88 00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:43,115 So I will take this week to help with the new manager's transition. 89 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:46,327 I will prepare a list of candidates for the new assistant, 90 00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:48,080 and my last day will be Friday. 91 00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:50,999 All I ask for is a letter of recommendation. 92 00:04:53,384 --> 00:04:54,676 Of course. 93 00:04:55,173 --> 00:04:57,964 And obviously if there's anything I can help you with, 94 00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,633 then please don't hesitate to ask. 95 00:05:05,653 --> 00:05:07,368 Actually, yeah, I do have a question. 96 00:05:07,393 --> 00:05:09,202 Did you ever consider me for head coach? 97 00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:13,689 - No. - Hmm. 98 00:05:14,559 --> 00:05:20,505 - Did you consider any woman? - No. 99 00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:53,073 - Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com -- 100 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,229 She said what? 101 00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:57,398 That I'm some woman-hating monster. 102 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,483 That I'm not a feminist. 103 00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:00,985 She didn't say any of that. 104 00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:02,653 Oh, don't be daft, Leslie. 105 00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:04,238 It was implied. 106 00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:05,781 Implication is everything! 107 00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:07,158 Thank you! 108 00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:08,868 And clearly you are a feminist 109 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,703 because you just started a badass women's team... 110 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,205 - Right. - ... and you'll do whatever it takes 111 00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:15,459 and spend whatever it takes to make sure it's successful, right? 112 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:19,879 - Exactly. - Plus, you didn't just hire any man. 113 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,590 You rehired Ted fucking Lasso. 114 00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,668 My middle name is actually pronounced frickin'. 115 00:06:24,693 --> 00:06:26,636 - Ted! - Ted. 116 00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,638 Hey. Hello, sir. 117 00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:32,016 - Hmm? - Is that what I think it is? 118 00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:33,100 Yes, ma'am. 119 00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:34,769 Gates barbecue. 120 00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:38,022 And a one-time special installment of Brisket with the Boss. 121 00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:40,858 Oh, Ted, you don't seriously think I can eat smoked meat at 122 00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:43,277 - nine o'clock in the morning, do you? - Actually I do. 123 00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:45,821 Oh, it's got a little fork. 124 00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,084 Are Henry and Michelle all settled? 125 00:06:47,108 --> 00:06:48,783 They get here next week, actually. Yeah. 126 00:06:48,784 --> 00:06:50,409 Thanks for all your help setting that up, boss. 127 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,494 Anytime. 128 00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:54,205 Oh, Ted, I can't believe you're here! I'm so excited. 129 00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:55,873 Hey, you know what I'm excited about? 130 00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:58,125 Getting to meet the lady that put this sucker together. 131 00:06:58,126 --> 00:06:59,934 - Look at that. - What is that? 132 00:06:59,959 --> 00:07:02,672 It's a full dossier on all the players from the women's team. 133 00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:05,091 The attention to detail in this thing would make da Vinci blush. 134 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:07,092 Yeah, I can't wait to work with this Coach Chilton. 135 00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:09,136 Ted, we have some bad news. 136 00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,346 No, we have good news. 137 00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,933 - Coach Chilton resigned this morning. - Oh. 138 00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:16,394 It's fine. You could always get Coach Beard to fill her spot. 139 00:07:16,395 --> 00:07:18,170 He's under contract with the men's team. 140 00:07:18,195 --> 00:07:20,731 And I think it'd be good to have a woman on staff, you know? 141 00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:22,191 Yeah, that's what I was thinking earlier. 142 00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:24,009 I just want to say it might be for 143 00:07:24,033 --> 00:07:26,237 the best that Coach Chilton is leaving. 144 00:07:26,238 --> 00:07:27,697 - Why? - Why? 145 00:07:27,698 --> 00:07:29,365 Well, um, she... 146 00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:32,952 - She's somewhat... - She's... Uh... 147 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,412 Can be a bit, uh... 148 00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:37,081 Who does she remind me of? 149 00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:40,085 It's a bit like, um... 150 00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:44,423 - I don't know. - Oh, just say it. 151 00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,257 She's an absolute... 152 00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:47,717 Seaward. 153 00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:48,927 Caroline Seaward. 154 00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:51,096 Head physio for the women's team. 155 00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:53,764 But I'm not just here for the players. 156 00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:55,016 I'm here for you as well. 157 00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:57,435 - Oh, okay. - Whatever problems you might be having 158 00:07:57,436 --> 00:08:00,397 - as a middle-aged man, I got you. - Great. 159 00:08:01,528 --> 00:08:02,988 Including bum stuff. 160 00:08:04,294 --> 00:08:05,920 Complete confidentiality. 161 00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:10,824 Oh, yeah. 162 00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:13,618 Hey. 163 00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,286 All right, thank you. 164 00:08:15,287 --> 00:08:16,662 Nice to meet you, Caroline. 165 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,623 Yeah. Oh, yeah, you can't talk. 166 00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:20,125 No, I got the key. 167 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,794 All right, I'm bored, last question. 168 00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:25,963 Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy. 169 00:08:25,964 --> 00:08:28,467 Oi, for fuck's sake, shut up. 170 00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:33,012 You. Paddington fucking Bear. 171 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,389 Oh, I didn't think you'd call on me. 172 00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:38,309 Thank you. Excuse me. My question is... 173 00:09:32,336 --> 00:09:33,837 What the fuck are you doing? 174 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,451 Welcome back. 175 00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:38,786 Thank you. 176 00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:39,871 How's that knee holding up? 177 00:09:39,872 --> 00:09:41,164 Oh, fine. 178 00:09:42,124 --> 00:09:44,584 Why the fuck would something we use so fucking much 179 00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:47,587 be held together by ligaments the size of rubber bands? 180 00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:49,964 Hmm. I always figured God started up top, you know, 181 00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:51,841 working really hard on the brains and heart and stuff, 182 00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:54,886 but once he got past our privates, he just started phoning it in. 183 00:09:54,887 --> 00:09:56,721 Hmm. It's good to see you. 184 00:09:56,722 --> 00:09:57,848 You too. 185 00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:00,809 Come on. 186 00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,939 Oh, looks like y'all did a little redecorating, huh? 187 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,816 Oh, this is recent. 188 00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:10,484 Beard wanted to be alone. 189 00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:12,653 Between you coming back and the whole thing with Jane, 190 00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:14,655 I think he's all fucked in the head. 191 00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:16,408 Yeah. 192 00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:23,081 What about you? How are you doing? 193 00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:25,750 - Great. - You and Keeley? 194 00:10:25,751 --> 00:10:28,127 Uh, she said y'all have become really, really good friends. 195 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,368 Her words, not mine. 196 00:10:29,655 --> 00:10:32,434 - She said really twice? - Mm-hmm. 197 00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:38,179 Hey, let me ask you something. 198 00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:41,265 What's the buzz with, uh, my now former assistant coach, 199 00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:43,392 this, uh, Alice Chilton gal? 200 00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:44,560 She quit? 201 00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:47,730 Like the mighty oak tree's foliage on a breezy October day. 202 00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:50,775 Fucking hell, a simple yes would suffice. 203 00:10:50,776 --> 00:10:53,946 - Yeah. - Most people think she's rude as shit. 204 00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:55,821 I think she's hilarious. 205 00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:58,960 But she's good. That's too bad. 206 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,956 So, you want Beard back then? 207 00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:07,918 No, hey, come on. That's between y'all. 208 00:11:08,540 --> 00:11:09,623 Hmm. 209 00:11:09,781 --> 00:11:11,408 It's really good to see you, Coach. 210 00:11:12,723 --> 00:11:13,890 You too, Coach. 211 00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:20,013 Jesus fucking Christ. 212 00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:24,434 You're being very strange. 213 00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:08,410 - _ - _ 214 00:12:08,435 --> 00:12:11,153 - _ - _ 215 00:12:11,178 --> 00:12:12,883 _ 216 00:12:13,914 --> 00:12:15,309 - _ - _ 217 00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:16,809 - _ - _ 218 00:12:28,874 --> 00:12:30,785 Hey. I'm Ted Lasso. 219 00:12:30,810 --> 00:12:32,895 You must be Coach Chilton. I heard a lot about you. 220 00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:35,555 Let me guess. You heard I was rude, 221 00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:37,925 difficult to work with, a real bitch. 222 00:12:38,876 --> 00:12:40,795 Yeah. It's nice to meet you. 223 00:12:43,673 --> 00:12:45,651 And, hey, I want to thank you for all 224 00:12:45,676 --> 00:12:47,602 your work on this bad boy right here. 225 00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:49,644 Tell you what, I ain't studied something so hard 226 00:12:49,645 --> 00:12:51,405 since the liner notes of Licensed to Ill 227 00:12:51,429 --> 00:12:53,189 by the Beastie Boys. 228 00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:54,649 I don't know what any of that means. 229 00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:56,776 Oh. Well, then, allow me to be the first to encourage you 230 00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,110 to fight for your right to party. 231 00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,904 But until then, I look forward to working with you. 232 00:13:00,098 --> 00:13:01,781 Uh, actually I just resigned. 233 00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:04,172 - My last day is Friday. - Oh, right. Right, right, right. 234 00:13:04,197 --> 00:13:06,491 Well, I look forward to working with you till Friday. 235 00:13:09,248 --> 00:13:10,791 I'm gonna go say hi to the team. 236 00:13:11,799 --> 00:13:13,801 Uh... Oi. Oi, oi, oi. 237 00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:16,504 No, no, no, no. Oi. No, no. 238 00:13:16,505 --> 00:13:19,632 Oi. You can't just go in there. I've got to make sure they're decent. 239 00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:21,477 Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. 240 00:13:29,103 --> 00:13:32,544 - _ - All right. 241 00:13:36,692 --> 00:13:37,775 Whoa. 242 00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:41,654 Boy, y'all don't have a lot of wiggle room in here, do you? 243 00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:44,991 The only space available to us was the academy locker room. 244 00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:46,701 We're just happy to be here, Coach. 245 00:13:46,702 --> 00:13:47,785 Oh. 246 00:13:47,786 --> 00:13:49,745 Yeah, fuck off. Yeah? Fuck off. 247 00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,831 Wait, wait, so hold on. Do y'all have to share this room? 248 00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:54,208 Only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. 249 00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,293 And every other Saturday. 250 00:13:55,294 --> 00:13:56,721 Uh, but on Tuesdays and Thursdays we 251 00:13:56,745 --> 00:13:58,171 get to keep our toiletries overnight. 252 00:13:58,172 --> 00:14:00,332 Oh, okay. So there are showers? 253 00:14:00,357 --> 00:14:02,550 - Uh, there's one shower. - And one toilet. 254 00:14:02,551 --> 00:14:05,720 And a urinal, which I-I actually prefer to use now 'cause, you know, 255 00:14:05,721 --> 00:14:08,222 taking a piss in a slight squat, it's good for the core. 256 00:14:09,308 --> 00:14:10,766 Gotcha. 257 00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:13,311 - Okay, um, well, I, uh... - Knock, knock. Hi, guys. 258 00:14:13,312 --> 00:14:15,188 Hey. 259 00:14:15,189 --> 00:14:17,148 - Um, Ted, the press are ready for you. - Mm-hmm. 260 00:14:17,149 --> 00:14:19,775 Oh, okay. Uh, hey, real nice meeting y'all. 261 00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:21,444 And I'll see you out on the pitch, okay? 262 00:14:21,445 --> 00:14:22,945 See you. 263 00:14:22,946 --> 00:14:24,655 Oh, uh, I'm Ted, by the way. 264 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:27,701 Okay. 265 00:14:28,327 --> 00:14:29,702 Hey, real quick. Uh... 266 00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,412 The locker room, it's a little, um... 267 00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:33,581 - What's the word I'm looking for? - It's shit. 268 00:14:33,582 --> 00:14:35,374 Well, I do have some ideas of 269 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,751 - how to make it better. - Great. 270 00:14:36,752 --> 00:14:39,045 It doesn't matter what color you paint it, it's still shit. 271 00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:41,464 Yeah, as my dad said, "You can polish a turd, 272 00:14:41,465 --> 00:14:43,149 but all you're left with is a smaller 273 00:14:43,173 --> 00:14:44,926 turd and a rag that smells like dookie." 274 00:14:44,951 --> 00:14:46,761 Welcome to second division women's football. 275 00:14:46,762 --> 00:14:48,763 Mm-hmm. Uh, hey, speaking of which, you know, 276 00:14:48,764 --> 00:14:50,932 Coach here knows a lot more about this team than I do. 277 00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:52,642 Maybe she could come do the press conference with me. 278 00:14:52,643 --> 00:14:55,102 No. No, my last day is Friday. 279 00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:56,844 Oh, I don't think it'll last that long. 280 00:15:04,831 --> 00:15:06,625 - She's a hoot. Yeah. - Yeah. 281 00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:14,539 Great. 282 00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:15,831 - Hi, guys! - Ooh. 283 00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:18,167 So, I just wanted to say something quickly. 284 00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:19,877 I'm just gonna say something if that's all right. 285 00:15:19,878 --> 00:15:21,879 - Of course. - Just a few words, okay? 286 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:25,132 Good morning, everyone. Welcome, welcome. 287 00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:26,801 So just quickly, uh, 288 00:15:26,802 --> 00:15:30,096 I just wanted to say how honored I am to have founded 289 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:34,392 the first ever women's team here at AFC Richmond. 290 00:15:34,393 --> 00:15:36,018 Aha. 291 00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:39,313 Yes, because it is long overdue, 292 00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:44,944 as I believe women are just as capable and compelling as men, 293 00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:49,241 not just in sport, but in every way, including coaching. 294 00:15:51,649 --> 00:15:58,624 And I will always show all of my support to all women in all times, 295 00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:01,836 in all ways, again. 296 00:16:01,837 --> 00:16:03,921 - Yes? - Does that include Ghislaine Maxwell? 297 00:16:03,922 --> 00:16:05,673 Not her, of course. 298 00:16:05,674 --> 00:16:08,301 - What about Eva Braun? - Well, obviously not. 299 00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:10,261 - Cruella de Vil? - Oh, come on, she's not even real. 300 00:16:10,262 --> 00:16:11,345 Let's keep it... You know? 301 00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:13,347 So, uh, thank you so much. 302 00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:18,271 The future is... female! 303 00:16:18,296 --> 00:16:21,001 So without further ado, please welcome 304 00:16:21,025 --> 00:16:23,608 the manager of our women's team, 305 00:16:23,609 --> 00:16:26,777 who just happens to be a man, Ted Lasso. 306 00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:28,697 Yes. 307 00:16:29,865 --> 00:16:31,950 Yeah. Okay. Okay. 308 00:16:32,724 --> 00:16:34,350 Howdy, folks. Great to be back. 309 00:16:34,375 --> 00:16:37,371 Um, well, I'm not sure if you have any questions for me, but I'd be... 310 00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:39,874 Oh, okay. Yeah, love the enthusiasm. 311 00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:42,251 Uh, yeah. Hey, Marcus. Why don't you go and kick us off? 312 00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:44,003 - Coach, welcome back. - Thank you. 313 00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:45,368 What are your thoughts on the season 314 00:16:45,392 --> 00:16:46,756 opener against Liverpool this weekend? 315 00:16:46,757 --> 00:16:48,216 - Oh, the men's opener? - Yeah. 316 00:16:48,217 --> 00:16:50,968 Uh, well, I mean, Liverpool is always tough, you know? 317 00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:54,013 And I gotta assume that Coach Kent has got the fellas ready to rock. 318 00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:55,598 Uh, yeah, hey, Gary. 319 00:16:55,599 --> 00:16:57,088 Yeah, do you think the Greyhounds will get 320 00:16:57,112 --> 00:16:58,601 back in the Champions League this season? 321 00:16:58,602 --> 00:17:00,853 - The men's team? - Yeah. 322 00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:03,689 Well, I mean, any opportunity is a good opportunity in sports, uh, 323 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,408 but truth be told, I'm not really 324 00:17:05,433 --> 00:17:07,318 all up to speed on the men's side of things 325 00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:08,528 as the bulk of my preparation 326 00:17:08,529 --> 00:17:11,113 has been all about the lady Greyhounds here at AFC Richmond. 327 00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,698 Um, all right, let's see. Who else? 328 00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:13,783 Oh, hey. New guy. 329 00:17:13,784 --> 00:17:14,866 - Hmm. - Hey, I love your hat. 330 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:15,952 Oh, thank you. 331 00:17:15,953 --> 00:17:17,953 What are your thoughts on Jamie Tartt leaving Richmond 332 00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:19,539 to play at Barcelona this season? 333 00:17:19,540 --> 00:17:20,623 Are you fucking... 334 00:17:20,624 --> 00:17:22,458 Yeah, I mean, never easy to say goodbye to a player, 335 00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:24,585 but I think he's gonna do bueno. Yeah? 336 00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:25,836 I'd love to answer some questions 337 00:17:25,860 --> 00:17:27,505 about the women's team, if y'all got any. 338 00:17:27,506 --> 00:17:28,756 Oh, yeah, Sarah, what do you got? 339 00:17:28,757 --> 00:17:29,841 Hey, Ted. 340 00:17:29,842 --> 00:17:32,343 - My question is about player salaries. - Hmm, great. 341 00:17:32,344 --> 00:17:34,971 - Do you think the men are underpaid? - Oh, boy. 342 00:17:41,987 --> 00:17:43,572 Ted's doing his presser. 343 00:17:44,768 --> 00:17:46,560 You don't wanna go watch your boyfriend? 344 00:17:50,753 --> 00:17:51,754 Okay. 345 00:18:14,178 --> 00:18:15,804 Who says you can't go home again? 346 00:18:16,266 --> 00:18:17,350 I don't like riddles. 347 00:18:18,236 --> 00:18:19,402 Oh, no, it was a... 348 00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:21,058 Doesn't matter. 349 00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:22,643 Okay, let's see what we got, huh? 350 00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:24,938 I'm here if you need. Here if you need. 351 00:18:25,564 --> 00:18:26,565 Here if you need. 352 00:18:29,985 --> 00:18:31,444 Ooh, that was a nice turn. Who's she? 353 00:18:31,445 --> 00:18:32,528 That's Josie Gordon. 354 00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:35,031 Hmm, she played striker at Watford last season. 355 00:18:35,032 --> 00:18:36,574 Led them in goals, progressive passes, 356 00:18:36,575 --> 00:18:39,785 and her expected goal rate per game was .78. 357 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:40,913 All from your dossier. 358 00:18:41,835 --> 00:18:43,414 I'm actually impressed. 359 00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:44,582 Oh, come on now. 360 00:18:44,583 --> 00:18:46,117 You wrote the tune. I'm just singing it. 361 00:18:48,504 --> 00:18:50,671 That's mine! That's mine! 362 00:18:56,746 --> 00:18:58,497 Those must be the sisters you mentioned. 363 00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:02,933 Or not. 364 00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:04,560 That's Mady and Margy. 365 00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:07,021 They've been a couple since training camp. 366 00:19:07,022 --> 00:19:09,941 Oh. Yeah, you don't get a lot of that in men's football. 367 00:19:09,942 --> 00:19:11,526 Not that you know of. 368 00:19:11,527 --> 00:19:12,528 Hmm. 369 00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:19,450 You're a real fucking dickhead. You know that? 370 00:19:19,451 --> 00:19:21,077 Rather be a dickhead than a turnip. 371 00:19:21,078 --> 00:19:23,621 I'm not a turnip. You're a turnip. 372 00:19:23,622 --> 00:19:24,914 Those are the sisters. 373 00:19:24,915 --> 00:19:27,333 Twins, actually. Niamh and Siobhan. 374 00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:29,001 Oh, our left and right center-back defenders. 375 00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,128 You just said I was a dickhead. Now I'm a turnip. 376 00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:34,090 - Which one is it, you fucking twat? - Yeah, good one, big man. Clown. 377 00:19:34,091 --> 00:19:35,633 You... Ow! 378 00:19:35,634 --> 00:19:37,218 - Pig. - Fuck off! 379 00:19:37,219 --> 00:19:38,662 Well, I see what you meant when you 380 00:19:38,686 --> 00:19:40,429 said that what they lack in athleticism, 381 00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:41,722 they make up for in aggressiveness. 382 00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:43,599 - You can take her, Siobhan! - Exactly. 383 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,310 - Get off! - Stop touching me, weirdo. 384 00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:47,395 Fuck you. 385 00:19:47,396 --> 00:19:49,605 Come on. Leave it, girls. 386 00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:51,649 Run! No time. No time. Run! 387 00:19:53,391 --> 00:19:54,934 Heck of a save there. 388 00:19:55,404 --> 00:19:56,988 That's gotta be Katie Quinn, yeah? 389 00:19:56,989 --> 00:19:58,865 Correct, but everyone calls her Boots. 390 00:19:58,866 --> 00:20:00,741 Oh, that wasn't in the dossier. 391 00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:01,826 Why would it be? 392 00:20:03,537 --> 00:20:05,997 - Boring! - Her stats are off the charts. 393 00:20:05,998 --> 00:20:08,082 Yeah, but none of the big clubs will touch her. 394 00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:09,500 Hmm, why is that? 395 00:20:09,501 --> 00:20:10,585 She won't wear gloves. 396 00:20:10,586 --> 00:20:12,837 Interesting. I wonder what the story is there, huh? 397 00:20:12,838 --> 00:20:14,547 Don't know. She's a goalie, isn't she? 398 00:20:14,548 --> 00:20:15,631 They're all batshit. 399 00:20:17,438 --> 00:20:18,772 Come on! 400 00:20:18,890 --> 00:20:21,601 Yes, any book by bell hooks. 401 00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,475 Wonderful. Would you be able to hold 'em for me? 402 00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:27,852 No, I don't want to use Amazon. 403 00:20:27,853 --> 00:20:29,437 What kind of business model is this? 404 00:20:29,438 --> 00:20:30,938 Uh, look, I will be there in 20 minutes. 405 00:20:30,939 --> 00:20:32,149 Thank you so much. Bye-bye. 406 00:20:32,696 --> 00:20:33,697 Christ. 407 00:20:34,318 --> 00:20:36,060 - Hello, Rebecca. - Oh. 408 00:20:38,412 --> 00:20:40,031 Right. You know, Roy, 409 00:20:40,032 --> 00:20:42,825 now that Ted's back, you really don't have to do this. 410 00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:44,118 I don't mind. 411 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:45,871 I'm excited about this new recipe. 412 00:20:46,684 --> 00:20:48,351 Better for your macros. 413 00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:50,750 No sugar. High protein. 414 00:20:50,751 --> 00:20:54,421 And instead of using butter, I used beef tallow. 415 00:20:54,963 --> 00:20:56,506 Wow. 416 00:20:56,507 --> 00:21:02,220 Who knew a biscuit could be so healthy and so heavy? 417 00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:03,304 Thank you. 418 00:21:03,305 --> 00:21:06,891 Roy, what's your definition of a feminist? 419 00:21:06,892 --> 00:21:08,392 Oh, I know this joke. 420 00:21:08,393 --> 00:21:10,603 - Uh, two lesbians... - Rebecca, I need to... 421 00:21:10,604 --> 00:21:12,355 Ooh. Hi, Roy. 422 00:21:12,637 --> 00:21:13,805 Keeley. 423 00:21:14,191 --> 00:21:15,930 Rebecca, I need £300,000 to build a new 424 00:21:15,954 --> 00:21:17,693 locker room for the women's team, please. 425 00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:18,694 Fuck no. 426 00:21:19,888 --> 00:21:21,822 Even though I support women, 427 00:21:21,823 --> 00:21:24,785 and I believe they can be anything they set their minds to, 428 00:21:25,327 --> 00:21:27,287 a new locker room is not in the budget. 429 00:21:27,684 --> 00:21:29,705 But a budget isn't a real thing. 430 00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:32,208 - It's just a made-up number. - Exactly. 431 00:21:32,209 --> 00:21:34,961 It absolutely is a real thing. 432 00:21:34,962 --> 00:21:36,380 That someone made up. 433 00:21:37,422 --> 00:21:38,714 Fine, then. 434 00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:40,731 - I want the men's locker room. - Fuck no! 435 00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:43,010 Well, if no one's gonna budge, 436 00:21:43,011 --> 00:21:44,334 then I'm just gonna have to go ahead 437 00:21:44,358 --> 00:21:45,680 and take the visitors' locker room. 438 00:21:45,681 --> 00:21:47,306 - Fine by me. - I don't fucking care. 439 00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:48,599 - Fantastic! - Hmm. 440 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:52,186 Now, if you'll both excuse me, I need to go and pick up some books 441 00:21:52,187 --> 00:21:53,612 from a shop that hopefully won't be 442 00:21:53,637 --> 00:21:55,474 out of business by the time I get there. 443 00:21:56,191 --> 00:21:57,526 - Well done. - Why? 444 00:21:58,068 --> 00:22:00,194 The old "bait and switch" on the locker rooms, 445 00:22:00,195 --> 00:22:01,767 that was always your plan, wasn't it? 446 00:22:01,792 --> 00:22:03,627 Maybe. 447 00:22:05,759 --> 00:22:07,618 - Hey, Ted. - Hey, fellas. 448 00:22:07,619 --> 00:22:11,455 - Can't believe you're back. - Yeah, but coaching a women's team. 449 00:22:11,456 --> 00:22:14,083 - How are the girls? Slow? - Boring? 450 00:22:14,084 --> 00:22:15,418 Has their cycle synced yet? 451 00:22:15,419 --> 00:22:16,711 Isn't nature amazing? 452 00:22:16,712 --> 00:22:19,673 All right now, you three, give the man some space. 453 00:22:19,957 --> 00:22:21,208 All right now. 454 00:22:21,938 --> 00:22:23,188 What's this? 455 00:22:23,213 --> 00:22:25,654 From Mr. Gladstone. 456 00:22:25,679 --> 00:22:27,431 Who? 457 00:22:32,186 --> 00:22:33,395 Right. 458 00:22:46,507 --> 00:22:48,427 You, uh, get some new sunglasses? 459 00:22:48,570 --> 00:22:50,661 No, I don't want people to see us together, 460 00:22:50,662 --> 00:22:52,331 so I'm in disguise. 461 00:22:53,329 --> 00:22:55,288 It's good. Yeah. 462 00:22:57,044 --> 00:22:58,924 Would be nice to see your eyes though, you know. 463 00:23:12,184 --> 00:23:13,268 How was your first day? 464 00:23:13,852 --> 00:23:16,270 For a sport that asks you to be light on your feet, 465 00:23:16,271 --> 00:23:18,871 women's football sure does seem to have a lot of weight around it. 466 00:23:19,274 --> 00:23:21,526 Lack of resources. Underwhelming media coverage. 467 00:23:21,527 --> 00:23:22,693 Subpar pay. 468 00:23:22,694 --> 00:23:24,445 It's a tougher gig all around. 469 00:23:24,446 --> 00:23:26,906 Only people in it are truly in it for the love of the game. 470 00:23:27,167 --> 00:23:29,325 Kinda like coaching college kids again then, yeah? 471 00:23:29,326 --> 00:23:31,911 Not really. Those guys get paid more. 472 00:23:31,912 --> 00:23:32,905 Yeah. 473 00:23:32,930 --> 00:23:36,517 So, how's Alice? 474 00:23:37,459 --> 00:23:39,627 Coach Chilton? Uh, yeah, she's, uh, she's good. 475 00:23:39,628 --> 00:23:41,212 - Good. Good, good, good. - Hmm. 476 00:23:41,213 --> 00:23:44,716 I-I mean, she can be kinda... 477 00:23:45,759 --> 00:23:48,554 - She is kinda... - Hmm. 478 00:23:49,137 --> 00:23:51,180 But you can be kinda... 479 00:24:02,624 --> 00:24:04,793 You know I can't ask you to leave him. 480 00:24:05,299 --> 00:24:06,300 No. 481 00:24:06,887 --> 00:24:07,888 I know. 482 00:24:08,656 --> 00:24:09,741 I'm with Roy now. 483 00:24:13,161 --> 00:24:14,413 And he's very good to me. 484 00:24:16,582 --> 00:24:17,958 I'm happy to hear that. 485 00:24:20,502 --> 00:24:23,921 And I mean, come on, this doesn't have to be weird, you know? 486 00:24:23,922 --> 00:24:25,549 We can still hang out. 487 00:24:26,690 --> 00:24:27,942 I'd like that. 488 00:24:29,928 --> 00:24:31,888 Y-You wanna talk about what happened with you and Jane? 489 00:24:31,889 --> 00:24:33,223 I gotta go. 490 00:24:38,478 --> 00:24:40,855 Good morning and happy Tuesday. 491 00:24:40,856 --> 00:24:44,358 On today's show, we're turning our studio into a taco fiesta. 492 00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:45,443 Yummy. 493 00:24:45,444 --> 00:24:46,653 And we'll be joined by 494 00:24:46,677 --> 00:24:48,154 eight-year-old prodigy, Poppy Thompson, 495 00:24:48,155 --> 00:24:50,270 who will share with us what's being called 496 00:24:50,294 --> 00:24:52,408 definitive proof that God doesn't exist. 497 00:24:52,409 --> 00:24:54,660 Leslie. 498 00:24:54,661 --> 00:24:56,787 Good news. I am a feminist. 499 00:24:56,788 --> 00:24:58,456 - Oh, good. - Listen to this. 500 00:24:58,457 --> 00:25:00,138 "To understand feminism, it implies one 501 00:25:00,163 --> 00:25:02,668 has to necessarily understand sexism." 502 00:25:02,669 --> 00:25:04,838 Yeah. 503 00:25:05,339 --> 00:25:06,631 Have you not finished that yet? 504 00:25:06,632 --> 00:25:08,674 Oh, uh... 505 00:25:08,675 --> 00:25:12,136 Do you ever fall asleep when you're reading, wake up, 506 00:25:12,137 --> 00:25:15,220 and you've lost your place and you have to start a chapter again? 507 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:16,844 No. 508 00:25:18,153 --> 00:25:19,154 Hmm. 509 00:25:22,064 --> 00:25:23,147 Uh... 510 00:25:52,469 --> 00:25:54,011 Stay tight! Stay tight! 511 00:25:54,012 --> 00:25:57,849 No shots. No shots. Give... Boots! 512 00:25:57,850 --> 00:26:00,560 Yeah. So what all we know about Boots? 513 00:26:00,561 --> 00:26:02,937 - It's in the dossier. - No, I know. 514 00:26:02,938 --> 00:26:04,898 The stats are great, but I mean, what's her story? 515 00:26:05,399 --> 00:26:06,607 - Her story? - Mm-hmm. 516 00:26:06,608 --> 00:26:08,526 Yeah, 'cause most athletes I know 517 00:26:08,527 --> 00:26:10,611 are always looking for every single little advantage. 518 00:26:10,612 --> 00:26:12,822 So, you know, you got a goalkeeper not using gloves. 519 00:26:12,823 --> 00:26:15,324 That's a lot like a gravedigger using a spoon 520 00:26:15,325 --> 00:26:17,243 or a cereal enthusiast using a shovel. 521 00:26:17,244 --> 00:26:18,620 Neither one's effective. 522 00:26:19,162 --> 00:26:23,499 So, what? You're after her origin story, like Batman? 523 00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:24,876 Oh, you like Batman, huh? 524 00:26:24,877 --> 00:26:26,544 - No, he's a fascist. - Hmm. 525 00:26:26,545 --> 00:26:29,088 I just know that every middle-aged man is obsessed with Batman. 526 00:26:29,089 --> 00:26:31,591 Yeah, that's true. Probably 'cause of all the wearable tech. 527 00:26:31,592 --> 00:26:33,093 I got to get to the bottom of this. 528 00:26:33,594 --> 00:26:36,400 All right, you just interrupt training to go do that. 529 00:26:37,180 --> 00:26:38,181 Hey, Boots. 530 00:26:39,266 --> 00:26:41,267 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 531 00:26:41,268 --> 00:26:42,643 Hey, so what's going on? 532 00:26:42,644 --> 00:26:43,811 You ain't ever wear gloves? 533 00:26:43,812 --> 00:26:46,397 Well, I didn't as a kid, but then the academy made me wear them. 534 00:26:46,398 --> 00:26:48,566 Uh-huh. And what? Made things worse? 535 00:26:48,567 --> 00:26:49,692 No, it worked. 536 00:26:49,693 --> 00:26:51,652 It just felt like someone else was making the saves. 537 00:26:51,653 --> 00:26:53,928 You know, I couldn't feel the ball anymore. 538 00:26:53,953 --> 00:26:56,157 I get that. Yeah, but d-don't it sting? 539 00:26:56,158 --> 00:26:58,994 Fuck yeah. But the sting is everything, isn't it? 540 00:26:59,586 --> 00:27:01,706 What's the point in life if you're not feeling it all? 541 00:27:02,539 --> 00:27:04,081 No, I'm no masochist, Coach, 542 00:27:04,082 --> 00:27:06,584 but when I go to the dentist, no novocaine. 543 00:27:07,442 --> 00:27:10,361 I don't drink. I don't use oven mitts. 544 00:27:10,464 --> 00:27:13,132 You know, if someone offers me earplugs at a concert, 545 00:27:13,133 --> 00:27:15,510 I pop them right in my mouth and eat them like candy. 546 00:27:15,611 --> 00:27:17,386 You could just put them in your pocket. 547 00:27:18,805 --> 00:27:19,806 Let me ask you, 548 00:27:20,633 --> 00:27:22,927 do you prefer with a condom or without? 549 00:27:27,275 --> 00:27:28,276 Hmm. 550 00:27:30,715 --> 00:27:32,341 Well, I'ma go back. 551 00:27:32,483 --> 00:27:33,484 Okay. 552 00:27:38,575 --> 00:27:41,410 So, what's her story? 553 00:27:41,411 --> 00:27:43,331 You were right. Goalies are nuts. 554 00:27:45,326 --> 00:27:46,409 Oh, yeah. 555 00:28:09,314 --> 00:28:11,441 - Hi. - It's gonna keep doing that. 556 00:28:12,109 --> 00:28:14,360 Oh, I thought I was going mad. 557 00:28:14,361 --> 00:28:16,028 That's the point. 558 00:28:16,029 --> 00:28:18,614 All of these benches have one side shorter than the other. 559 00:28:18,615 --> 00:28:20,283 Why would you do that? 560 00:28:20,284 --> 00:28:21,617 I booby-trapped it. 561 00:28:21,618 --> 00:28:24,537 Loads of teams do it to fuck with visiting teams' heads. 562 00:28:24,808 --> 00:28:27,123 Higher hooks make the players feel shorter, 563 00:28:27,124 --> 00:28:29,126 hotter temperatures make them sleepy. 564 00:28:29,668 --> 00:28:32,753 It's a respectable, long-standing tradition in football. 565 00:28:32,754 --> 00:28:33,755 Hmm. 566 00:28:34,506 --> 00:28:36,215 But that shit's child's play. 567 00:28:36,216 --> 00:28:38,926 I wanna make the visitors feel like they're fucking hallucinating. 568 00:28:49,062 --> 00:28:51,355 It's a rat! Rat! Oh... 569 00:28:51,356 --> 00:28:52,815 That's Jonathan. 570 00:28:52,816 --> 00:28:55,097 He's trained to run back and forth when the lights are on. 571 00:28:56,764 --> 00:28:58,057 Did you train a rat? 572 00:28:59,046 --> 00:29:00,171 I didn't. 573 00:29:00,282 --> 00:29:01,407 He was the understudy rat 574 00:29:01,408 --> 00:29:03,252 in that fucking endless Harry Potter 575 00:29:03,276 --> 00:29:05,120 play I had to sit through with Phoebe. 576 00:29:14,630 --> 00:29:16,589 This is in the way. 577 00:29:16,590 --> 00:29:17,673 It's a problem for me 578 00:29:17,674 --> 00:29:20,144 because I would really like Ted to be able 579 00:29:20,168 --> 00:29:22,637 to address all the players on a match day, 580 00:29:22,638 --> 00:29:24,515 and this is very much in the way. 581 00:29:25,182 --> 00:29:26,349 - Yeah. - Yeah. 582 00:29:26,350 --> 00:29:27,726 That's why I put it there. 583 00:29:38,195 --> 00:29:39,196 Catch. 584 00:29:43,647 --> 00:29:45,565 You know, you didn't have to do this. 585 00:29:45,653 --> 00:29:47,413 You could have sent the kit man or something. 586 00:29:48,197 --> 00:29:49,198 No. 587 00:29:50,616 --> 00:29:52,409 No one can know my secrets. 588 00:29:56,255 --> 00:29:58,464 That was pathetic. Run it again. 589 00:29:58,465 --> 00:30:00,633 - And please try to look alive, Siobhan. - Whoa. 590 00:30:00,634 --> 00:30:02,927 Nice fucking try, you soggy biscuit. 591 00:30:02,928 --> 00:30:04,346 How did you know she was there? 592 00:30:06,431 --> 00:30:08,808 Which one of the twins do you think was born first? 593 00:30:08,809 --> 00:30:09,892 Who cares? 594 00:30:09,893 --> 00:30:11,436 Well, in my experience, twins do. 595 00:30:12,020 --> 00:30:13,346 I went to middle school with these 596 00:30:13,370 --> 00:30:14,939 two fellas, Hank and Howie Rassmussen. 597 00:30:14,940 --> 00:30:17,692 Identical as all hell except for their temperaments. 598 00:30:17,693 --> 00:30:19,360 See, Howie had this big old chip on his shoulder 599 00:30:19,361 --> 00:30:21,404 'cause Hank was born like 20 minutes before him. 600 00:30:21,405 --> 00:30:24,490 So growing up, anything that Hank did, Howie had to do it better. 601 00:30:24,491 --> 00:30:25,825 Whatever this is, I don't like it. 602 00:30:25,826 --> 00:30:28,995 I'm talking school, ping-pong, skipping stones, whatever it was, 603 00:30:28,996 --> 00:30:30,913 Howie was always a step ahead. 604 00:30:30,914 --> 00:30:32,716 Kept on through their entire lives, all 605 00:30:32,740 --> 00:30:34,542 the way through Hank becoming a doctor 606 00:30:34,543 --> 00:30:36,182 to Howie going to prison for burning 607 00:30:36,206 --> 00:30:38,129 down his twin brother's abortion clinic. 608 00:30:38,130 --> 00:30:40,006 - What is your point? - I think Siobhan's older. 609 00:30:40,007 --> 00:30:42,758 Well, their stories are irrelevant to their play on the pitch. 610 00:30:42,759 --> 00:30:43,718 Yeah, maybe. 611 00:30:43,743 --> 00:30:45,845 I just like figuring out what makes folks tick. 612 00:30:45,846 --> 00:30:47,346 Hey, what about you? You got any siblings? 613 00:30:47,347 --> 00:30:49,599 Oh, my God, enough. Listen, I am only here for three more days. 614 00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:52,059 I do not need to do... 615 00:30:52,060 --> 00:30:53,270 Oh. Oh. 616 00:30:54,897 --> 00:30:57,315 Fucking hell! 617 00:30:57,316 --> 00:30:59,192 Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! 618 00:30:59,193 --> 00:31:00,484 - Fucking hell! - Right. Lie back. 619 00:31:00,485 --> 00:31:03,196 - Okay, Josie? Hey. Josie. - My knee! It's not all right. 620 00:31:03,197 --> 00:31:05,239 - It's all right. You'll be all right. - It's fucked! 621 00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:06,670 I got you. Josie, I got you. Hold tight. 622 00:31:06,694 --> 00:31:07,533 My knee is fucked! 623 00:31:07,534 --> 00:31:09,035 - It's gonna be fine. - It's over. It's over. 624 00:31:09,036 --> 00:31:10,703 Just breathe. Can we get the basket over here? 625 00:31:10,704 --> 00:31:12,747 You'll be all right. Look at me. 626 00:31:12,748 --> 00:31:14,498 - You are gonna play. I promise you. - No, I can't. 627 00:31:14,499 --> 00:31:16,459 - It's fucking gone. - Try not to move. All right? 628 00:31:16,460 --> 00:31:17,835 Basket's nearly here, all right? 629 00:31:17,836 --> 00:31:18,841 We're gonna get you into it. 630 00:31:18,865 --> 00:31:20,379 I'm gonna go with her to the hospital, 631 00:31:20,380 --> 00:31:22,423 - if that's okay? - Yeah, no, of course, yeah. 632 00:31:22,424 --> 00:31:24,133 It's all right, mate. 633 00:31:24,134 --> 00:31:25,885 - You're gonna be fine. I'm here. - Okay. 634 00:31:25,886 --> 00:31:28,347 We're in this together, yeah? I'm here with you. 635 00:31:29,223 --> 00:31:31,224 Okay, I took the gum out of the showerheads 636 00:31:31,225 --> 00:31:33,935 and I fixed the fuses so the lights won't flicker anymore. 637 00:31:33,936 --> 00:31:35,561 Just gotta get rid of this. 638 00:31:35,562 --> 00:31:37,648 - That's it then? - No, not quite. 639 00:31:45,822 --> 00:31:46,906 Thank you, Roy. 640 00:31:46,907 --> 00:31:48,075 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 641 00:31:51,161 --> 00:31:52,204 Hey. 642 00:31:54,122 --> 00:31:56,083 - Can I ask you something? - Yeah. 643 00:31:59,499 --> 00:32:04,504 I'm afraid that I'm losing someone. 644 00:32:06,504 --> 00:32:12,260 I thought we had something, but their heart is with another. 645 00:32:13,540 --> 00:32:14,666 - Beard? - Yep. 646 00:32:17,812 --> 00:32:18,980 What would you do? 647 00:32:20,492 --> 00:32:24,193 I think keeping two people apart who belong together is bad. 648 00:32:24,194 --> 00:32:26,113 Not just for them, but for everybody. 649 00:32:36,566 --> 00:32:38,134 You know this is the first time we've 650 00:32:38,159 --> 00:32:39,587 been alone together in three years. 651 00:32:45,303 --> 00:32:46,971 We are not alone. 652 00:32:54,945 --> 00:32:56,154 Thanks again, Roy. 653 00:33:01,273 --> 00:33:04,734 I read an amazing Eleanor Roosevelt quote this morning, Higgins. 654 00:33:04,735 --> 00:33:09,488 "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." 655 00:33:09,489 --> 00:33:11,699 Oh, that's beautiful, Rebecca. 656 00:33:11,700 --> 00:33:13,367 Well, I didn't come up with it. I just read it. 657 00:33:21,611 --> 00:33:22,861 You all right? 658 00:33:23,050 --> 00:33:24,218 Yeah. Yeah. 659 00:33:31,637 --> 00:33:33,179 What was that quote, Rebecca? 660 00:33:33,180 --> 00:33:34,264 Oh, shut up, Leslie. 661 00:33:35,038 --> 00:33:37,081 Make sure that woman finds her replacement. 662 00:33:37,129 --> 00:33:38,422 And finish that report. 663 00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:48,644 Why are you still here? 664 00:33:48,989 --> 00:33:51,533 Well, I just wanted an update on how Josie's doing. 665 00:33:52,848 --> 00:33:54,724 She tore her ACL. 666 00:33:55,723 --> 00:33:57,558 - Poor kid. - I've seen my fair share. 667 00:33:58,330 --> 00:34:00,277 It's devastating, every time. 668 00:34:00,939 --> 00:34:03,108 - Hmm. - She'll be out for the season. 669 00:34:07,596 --> 00:34:10,433 Well, hey, I appreciate you looking after her like that. 670 00:34:14,012 --> 00:34:15,013 All right, now. 671 00:34:18,071 --> 00:34:19,865 She was our starting striker, you know. 672 00:34:20,545 --> 00:34:21,796 Oh. 673 00:34:23,164 --> 00:34:24,958 You said "our." 674 00:34:26,733 --> 00:34:27,984 I-I'm just messing with you. 675 00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:30,571 Your last day is Friday, I know. 676 00:34:31,303 --> 00:34:32,720 See you in the morning, Coach. 677 00:34:36,830 --> 00:34:43,671 _ 678 00:34:47,462 --> 00:34:49,546 Good morning, and happy Friday. 679 00:34:49,547 --> 00:34:51,381 We made it through another week. 680 00:34:51,382 --> 00:34:52,882 On today's show, do you ever 681 00:34:52,907 --> 00:34:54,927 wish your weekend could last forever? 682 00:34:54,928 --> 00:34:58,390 Well, one man tried that using AI, and now he's dead. 683 00:34:59,641 --> 00:35:01,767 There's nothing I can eat here. 684 00:35:01,768 --> 00:35:03,144 Mother, what are you talking about? 685 00:35:03,145 --> 00:35:04,896 We've eaten here a million times. 686 00:35:04,921 --> 00:35:06,881 Yes, but I'm thinking of becoming a vegan. 687 00:35:07,787 --> 00:35:08,955 Or Jewish. 688 00:35:09,458 --> 00:35:12,222 And all I know is that I want to eat less cheese. 689 00:35:13,605 --> 00:35:14,814 Mother, am I a feminist? 690 00:35:16,189 --> 00:35:17,272 I hope not. 691 00:35:17,297 --> 00:35:19,132 I raised you better than that. 692 00:35:19,203 --> 00:35:20,286 Why? 693 00:35:20,287 --> 00:35:23,331 Some woman at work accused me of not being supportive of women. 694 00:35:23,332 --> 00:35:25,917 Oh, that just reeks of jealousy. 695 00:35:25,918 --> 00:35:27,668 It's very unattractive. 696 00:35:27,669 --> 00:35:28,753 Hello. 697 00:35:28,754 --> 00:35:32,299 I'd like something that tastes of cheese, but isn't cheese. 698 00:35:33,217 --> 00:35:35,676 Mother, why don't you just eat less cheese? 699 00:35:35,677 --> 00:35:38,378 I don't want to do some fad diet. 700 00:35:38,403 --> 00:35:40,682 I want to do this for a higher purpose. 701 00:35:42,150 --> 00:35:43,777 We're gonna need another minute. 702 00:35:44,436 --> 00:35:47,438 You know what, w-why don't you just fire this jealous hag? 703 00:35:47,439 --> 00:35:49,023 No, I'm not gonna do that. 704 00:35:49,024 --> 00:35:51,234 Besides, she already quit. Today's her last day. 705 00:35:51,235 --> 00:35:54,571 Well, if I have any advice to give you, it's that women are monsters. 706 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:58,367 Men showed us the way, and we perfected the model. 707 00:35:59,326 --> 00:36:01,827 You know that's not far off a bell hooks quote. 708 00:36:01,828 --> 00:36:03,538 Careful, Mother, you might be a feminist. 709 00:36:03,609 --> 00:36:05,277 Oh, don't say that. 710 00:36:05,683 --> 00:36:07,726 You'll ruin my appetite. 711 00:36:18,470 --> 00:36:20,097 I think we should call it. 712 00:36:22,975 --> 00:36:24,767 All right, ladies, great first week. 713 00:36:24,768 --> 00:36:26,144 I'll see you all on Monday. 714 00:36:30,721 --> 00:36:31,804 Actually, hold on. 715 00:36:31,829 --> 00:36:33,289 Let's go this way. 716 00:36:35,432 --> 00:36:36,433 Come on. 717 00:36:45,765 --> 00:36:47,474 Right this way. 718 00:36:47,499 --> 00:36:50,085 Lady Greyhounds, your new digs. 719 00:36:53,797 --> 00:36:56,174 Yes! 720 00:36:56,175 --> 00:36:58,426 These lockers are fucking class! 721 00:37:04,641 --> 00:37:06,726 Oh, yours already smells like arse. 722 00:37:06,727 --> 00:37:08,138 Well, luckily you won't be able to 723 00:37:08,163 --> 00:37:10,479 smell it after I take a shit in yours. 724 00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:13,816 Oh, my God. Unlimited tampons. 725 00:37:13,817 --> 00:37:16,152 - Banging. - Fuck, yeah! Free tampons. 726 00:37:32,294 --> 00:37:33,753 Am I allowed to drill holes in that? 727 00:37:33,754 --> 00:37:35,464 Oh, yeah, do whatever you want. 728 00:37:36,371 --> 00:37:38,120 Uh, hey, no more having to move your 729 00:37:38,145 --> 00:37:39,800 stuff in and out either. All right? 730 00:37:39,801 --> 00:37:42,220 And this is all courtesy of one Miss Keeley Jones. 731 00:37:42,221 --> 00:37:43,647 So next time you see her in the hallway, 732 00:37:43,671 --> 00:37:45,097 make sure you give her a high five, yeah. 733 00:37:51,354 --> 00:37:52,939 Wanna see the new coach's office? 734 00:37:59,671 --> 00:38:00,754 Oi. 735 00:38:00,864 --> 00:38:02,782 There's eight fucking showers in here. 736 00:38:15,796 --> 00:38:16,879 Hey. 737 00:38:17,005 --> 00:38:18,548 You're being released. 738 00:38:18,549 --> 00:38:20,007 Why? 739 00:38:20,008 --> 00:38:23,094 You've violated the AFC Richmond bylaws. 740 00:38:23,095 --> 00:38:24,179 What section? 741 00:38:24,972 --> 00:38:30,101 Comportment and manners, section 6, subsection B, which reads... 742 00:38:30,102 --> 00:38:32,019 "In the confines of match regulated gameplay, 743 00:38:32,020 --> 00:38:35,606 all coaching staff must respect the judgment of referees and officials 744 00:38:35,607 --> 00:38:38,777 and refrain from derogatory comments and insinuations"? 745 00:38:40,027 --> 00:38:42,434 You once said under your breath to an 746 00:38:42,459 --> 00:38:44,866 official at Villa Park, "Wrong call." 747 00:38:44,867 --> 00:38:47,827 After you called him a stupid bloody fucking wanking knob. 748 00:38:47,828 --> 00:38:48,911 So you remember. 749 00:38:48,912 --> 00:38:51,122 Whose head you were going to rip off his body... 750 00:38:51,123 --> 00:38:53,717 What you did was a serious offense... 751 00:38:53,741 --> 00:38:56,335 ... and then use his skull as a toilet. 752 00:38:56,336 --> 00:38:58,462 ... against the Richmond men's team. 753 00:39:00,144 --> 00:39:02,855 Other Richmond teams may have different policies. 754 00:39:03,570 --> 00:39:04,903 You're right. 755 00:39:05,014 --> 00:39:06,390 I was out of line. 756 00:39:06,430 --> 00:39:07,431 Mm-hmm. 757 00:39:11,894 --> 00:39:14,014 Hi, ladies, thanks for coming. I'll be right with you. 758 00:39:14,929 --> 00:39:16,681 Hmm. 759 00:39:17,649 --> 00:39:20,067 Uh, here are the candidates' résumés. 760 00:39:20,068 --> 00:39:21,819 Oh, great. Thank you for doing that. 761 00:39:21,820 --> 00:39:24,260 And actually, you know what, I got a little something for you. 762 00:39:25,211 --> 00:39:26,294 It's a going-away gift. 763 00:39:26,319 --> 00:39:27,999 Hopefully you can use it wherever you land. 764 00:39:29,368 --> 00:39:31,305 Oh, thank you. 765 00:39:31,330 --> 00:39:32,331 Yeah, no problem. 766 00:39:47,036 --> 00:39:49,513 What's wrong? 767 00:39:50,940 --> 00:39:54,091 Nothing. No, I just had to send all them ladies home. 768 00:39:54,311 --> 00:39:56,325 I already found my assistant coach. 769 00:39:56,389 --> 00:39:57,472 Who? 770 00:39:57,606 --> 00:40:00,274 Well, she's from Lewisham, you know, working-class family. 771 00:40:00,587 --> 00:40:02,777 Was a skinny little whiz kid of a midfielder 772 00:40:02,778 --> 00:40:04,445 over there at the Arsenal Academy. 773 00:40:04,446 --> 00:40:06,269 Known for her work ethic and being a 774 00:40:06,293 --> 00:40:08,115 real B-I-T-C-H to the older players. 775 00:40:08,116 --> 00:40:11,161 We're talking captain material, you know, a superstar in the making. 776 00:40:12,354 --> 00:40:15,565 Until at 22, she tears the ACL in her left knee. 777 00:40:16,625 --> 00:40:18,085 Spent the whole year doing rehab. 778 00:40:18,752 --> 00:40:20,629 First game back, tears the other one. 779 00:40:21,380 --> 00:40:24,383 Two years after that, tears the left one again. 780 00:40:25,008 --> 00:40:27,594 Bringing her playing career to an end right then and there. 781 00:40:29,429 --> 00:40:31,431 But ain't no way that's the end of her story. 782 00:40:32,384 --> 00:40:34,427 'Cause anybody strong enough to go through all that 783 00:40:34,936 --> 00:40:38,023 and, well, hell, smart enough to put together all this... 784 00:40:38,730 --> 00:40:40,427 and not only loves the sport of football 785 00:40:40,452 --> 00:40:42,733 but also, as I've seen with my own eyes, 786 00:40:42,734 --> 00:40:45,069 can care deeply for the women that play it... 787 00:40:45,070 --> 00:40:46,071 Shoot. 788 00:40:46,745 --> 00:40:47,872 Now there's a coach. 789 00:40:49,032 --> 00:40:51,072 And I got a hunch that story's just getting started. 790 00:40:54,240 --> 00:40:55,408 Uh, hey, look. 791 00:40:55,865 --> 00:40:57,867 I know your heart was set on the top job. 792 00:40:59,146 --> 00:41:01,816 And I sincerely hope you get everything you want and deserve. 793 00:41:02,921 --> 00:41:03,922 But until then, 794 00:41:04,882 --> 00:41:07,009 will you please stick around and help me out? 795 00:41:10,179 --> 00:41:11,262 - Coach, I... - Now hold on. 796 00:41:11,263 --> 00:41:14,516 Before you answer, I just want to give you some time alone. 797 00:41:15,603 --> 00:41:16,813 Let you think about it. 798 00:41:17,388 --> 00:41:18,472 All right? 799 00:41:19,391 --> 00:41:21,475 So, I'm gonna go stand over here in the corner. 800 00:41:21,500 --> 00:41:24,276 And, uh, I'll give you five whole seconds, yeah? 801 00:41:25,146 --> 00:41:26,479 You just go ahead and take your time. 802 00:41:26,504 --> 00:41:31,341 Five, four, three, two, one. 803 00:41:31,366 --> 00:41:34,035 Okay, those last few were a little quick. I know, I got excited. 804 00:41:35,370 --> 00:41:36,496 So what you think? 805 00:41:36,976 --> 00:41:38,059 Yeah. 806 00:41:38,084 --> 00:41:40,058 Yes. I'll stay. 807 00:41:41,199 --> 00:41:42,450 It better not be shit. 808 00:41:43,045 --> 00:41:46,464 Well, if it is, welcome to second division women's football, right? 809 00:41:48,485 --> 00:41:50,528 Now, can I get your gift back please? 810 00:41:51,261 --> 00:41:52,595 - You want it back? - Yeah, man. 811 00:41:52,596 --> 00:41:54,305 That was a going away gift. You ain't going nowhere. 812 00:41:54,306 --> 00:41:56,098 Come on now. Cough it up. Let's go. 813 00:41:56,099 --> 00:41:57,183 Okay. 814 00:41:57,184 --> 00:41:58,643 Thank you. 815 00:41:58,644 --> 00:41:59,936 I'm back, baby! 816 00:42:21,959 --> 00:42:24,669 I finally finished it. 817 00:42:24,670 --> 00:42:25,838 And? 818 00:42:26,343 --> 00:42:28,422 And my eyeballs are still sweating. 819 00:42:28,423 --> 00:42:30,675 No, I meant, and what does it say? 820 00:42:30,676 --> 00:42:31,884 Right. 821 00:42:31,885 --> 00:42:33,804 Well... 822 00:42:35,222 --> 00:42:38,182 It indicates a low chance of long-term viability 823 00:42:38,183 --> 00:42:39,560 for our women's team. 824 00:42:40,894 --> 00:42:43,730 Adding that if the investment is unsuccessful, 825 00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:46,036 it could potentially deal a significant 826 00:42:46,061 --> 00:42:47,569 blow to our men's program as well. 827 00:42:53,282 --> 00:42:54,907 What would you do if you were me? 828 00:42:57,773 --> 00:43:00,651 Well, you know, my mum used to say 829 00:43:01,373 --> 00:43:03,885 that strong women stand up for themselves 830 00:43:03,909 --> 00:43:06,420 and stronger women stand up for others. 831 00:43:10,757 --> 00:43:12,050 Thank you, Leslie. 832 00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:14,925 Now, if you don't mind... 833 00:43:14,950 --> 00:43:17,197 ... I'm gonna set this on fire, 834 00:43:17,222 --> 00:43:19,140 dump its ashes into the Thames, 835 00:43:19,141 --> 00:43:23,312 and let us never speak of its existence ever again. 836 00:43:36,909 --> 00:43:39,452 - Hello. - Oh, Coach Lasso just left. 837 00:43:39,453 --> 00:43:41,246 Uh, no, it's you I wanted to see. 838 00:43:41,914 --> 00:43:45,093 Here's the letter of recommendation you asked for. 839 00:43:45,118 --> 00:43:46,459 Oh, you really didn't have to do this... 840 00:43:46,460 --> 00:43:48,980 There was actually something else I needed to talk to you about. 841 00:43:50,547 --> 00:43:54,384 When you questioned why I hadn't considered a female head coach, 842 00:43:55,010 --> 00:43:56,512 I have to admit I was shocked. 843 00:43:57,137 --> 00:43:58,472 Defensive, in fact. 844 00:43:58,972 --> 00:43:59,982 I thought, "Who the fuck does this 845 00:44:00,006 --> 00:44:01,015 young woman think she's talking to?" 846 00:44:01,016 --> 00:44:03,018 - Miss Welton... - No, no, I'm not done. 847 00:44:03,894 --> 00:44:07,480 I also thought, "Does she have a clue what I've gone through 848 00:44:07,481 --> 00:44:09,394 to even create a space where she 849 00:44:09,418 --> 00:44:11,692 thinks she can critique me like that?" 850 00:44:11,693 --> 00:44:14,585 - Miss Welton... - Then I thought, "Have I lost touch? 851 00:44:14,947 --> 00:44:17,949 Have I forgotten how to keep pushing forward?" 852 00:44:17,950 --> 00:44:19,742 Perhaps being pro-women 853 00:44:19,743 --> 00:44:22,870 is something broader than it was when I was your age. 854 00:44:22,871 --> 00:44:25,331 And so I thank you for calling me out. 855 00:44:25,332 --> 00:44:27,792 I'm just sorry you won't be here to see the results. 856 00:44:27,793 --> 00:44:30,712 - Miss Welton... - Let me finish, Alice. 857 00:44:31,588 --> 00:44:36,884 So, while I do appreciate the self-discovery 858 00:44:36,885 --> 00:44:39,659 that your inquiry has led me towards, 859 00:44:39,684 --> 00:44:41,525 might I strongly suggest that the 860 00:44:41,550 --> 00:44:44,016 next time you have something so helpful 861 00:44:44,017 --> 00:44:45,769 to say to someone, 862 00:44:45,794 --> 00:44:48,343 perhaps you could show a teeny-tiny bit 863 00:44:48,367 --> 00:44:50,816 more empathy and a little less judgment. 864 00:44:52,150 --> 00:44:53,277 Am I clear? 865 00:44:55,599 --> 00:44:56,600 Good. 866 00:44:57,434 --> 00:44:59,061 Now what was it you wanted to tell me? 867 00:45:00,075 --> 00:45:03,203 Ted offered me the job of assistant coach, and I've accepted. 868 00:45:03,673 --> 00:45:05,382 Wow, yeah. 869 00:45:05,407 --> 00:45:08,207 Yes! That's great. 870 00:45:08,208 --> 00:45:09,709 - Hmm. - That's excellent. 871 00:45:11,962 --> 00:45:14,255 Now we're... cookin'. 872 00:45:14,256 --> 00:45:16,632 Go, Greyhound... 873 00:45:16,633 --> 00:45:19,802 Lady Greyhounds. Go, Lady Greyhounds. 874 00:45:24,558 --> 00:45:27,436 I bet it was far more enticing getting that job offer from a man. 875 00:45:31,197 --> 00:45:32,531 That was a joke. 876 00:45:33,357 --> 00:45:34,358 Oh, I know. 877 00:45:35,264 --> 00:45:36,265 It was very funny. 878 00:45:39,657 --> 00:45:40,658 Right. 879 00:45:40,682 --> 00:45:45,682 -